My Story

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Roy Hawthorne
1948 to 2007
aged: 59
From: Stoke On Trent


My dear dad Roy Hawthorne, passed away suddenly on the 12th February 2007 at the age of 58. Just 6 days before he was to celebrate his 59th birthday and just 12 months before he was due to retire. Roy lived in Stoke on Trent for most of his adult life and for the last 3 years worked as a charge hand and Norpack Distribution Centre in Eccleshall which is where he passed away. Roy left behind his devoted wife of 38 years Pat, a son Mark (36), a daughter Sarah (33), and 3 beautiful granddaughters, Beth (10), Elise (4) and Ilana (1). He also has a brother John and nieces and nephews.

The day before Dad died, he had come to visit us as normal. Prior to one of his regular trips to Bingo with mum. My 1 year old daughter is facinated looking at photo's on my mobile phone and is always asking to see 'Gagad'. Unfortunately, I hadn't got a picture of him. I have one of my mum but not dad. Anyway, this particular night, I told Dad to pose so that I could take a picture of him. That was the last picture taken of my Dad alive. Why did I take it? Who knows. Perhaps something was telling me to. That picture is the best photo of my dad that I have ever seen. He looks so relaxed and healthy. It is the photo that is shown at the top of this tribute and the one my mum and I both have enlarged in pride of place in our homes. Also the same picture was used on the hymn sheets for his funeral. Little did we know that less than 24 hours after the photo was taken he would be taken.

Dad had gone to work on the morning of Monday 12th February 2007 as normal. He had made a cup of coffee and taken it up to mum who was still in bed along with her daily medication. His shift started at 6.00am. I had taken a days holiday as I had been away on business for 3 days the week before and wanted to spend some quality time with my girls. At 1.50pm I had a phone call from mum who was at work to say that dad's work had left a message for her to say that dad had had an accident. When she called back, they told her that he had collapsed and had been taken by ambulance to Stafford hospital. I had to wait for Dave to come home from work to look after the girls and immediately went to collect mum from work. On the way to collect her I was praying 'Please God, don't let him be dead' and then shook myself for being so damn silly.

On the way to the hospital, mum and I didn't say a much to each other. On a roundabout, a hearse came across our path, we both looked, but said nothing. When we arrived at the hospital at 2.30, my brother had just pulled up too. We went to the check in desk at A&E and said that my dad had been bought in by ambulance. They had my dads name but came back to say that he hadn't been booked in there. Were we sure. They checked with ambulance control who didn't know where he had been sent. By this time we knew it was something serious. 20 minutes after first arriving, the sister came to us and took us round to a little side room. Obviously a relatives room in which they break the bad news to you. She left us in there on our own and said that they were trying to find out where dad had been taken. We were in complete and utter turmoil. We knew deep down inside that he was dead, but none of us wanted to admit it. Why should we? He had been so healthy right up to that point. 2 days before hand he had come running around the shop to me and wasn't even out of breath. At 3.40, 1 hour and 10 minutes after arriving at the hospital and 50 minutes after being left alone in the relatives room the sister returned with an official looking gentlman. He introduced himself as the coroner and informed us that Dad had suffered a massive heart attack whilst at work.

He was on a fork lift, lifting a colleague up so that he could reach something and as suddenly struggling to breath. The man 'Dave' jumped off the forks, got dad onto the floor. By this point he was unconcious. Dave called the first aiders immediately and they proceeded to try to resus him and called for an ambulance. 15 minutes later, the paramedics arrived. They tried the defibulator on him and managed to get a slight trace. When they moved him to the back of the ambulance he arrested again, but this time they couldn't get him back and he was pronounced dead. The reason the hospital didn't know where he was is because he had been taken directly to the mortuary. We were taken round to the mortuary as mum needed to identify him.

There he was, lying cold on the mortuary table. All purple and swollen. This was not what I wanted as the last picture I had seen of my dad. I just wanted to cuddle him and make him warm up. I took his necklace off as mum wanted Mark to have it. I drove back to mum's on my own. Mum went back with Mark as I was worried that he would do something stupid. When we got home, we made a list of people who we needed to tell and I began ringing round.

I'll never forget, ringing 'my' Dave from the hospital. He asked how dad was and I just replied 'He's dead' He had thought that dad had just passed out and was been kept in for observation. Never did he think he was going to hear the words I spoke. It broke my heart to inform people of his passing. Everyone I spoke to broke down at the mention that he had died. I stayed at mums as I couldn't face going home and telling the girls that they wouldn't see their granddad again. So I waited until after their bed time. Going over it time and time again. I got home about 9.00pm. Mum insisted that she be left on her own. She needed time to sort her head out by herself. I broke down in Dave's arms, worrying how I would break the news to 'granddads little angels' the following day. As it was Dave told Elise and it was much easier than I could ever have imagined.

The next day, Mark and I had to go to your work to collect dad's belongings and his car. Paul, dad's manager could hardly talk to us. He was absolutely devastated. Also, apparently the 3 first aiders that had tried to save him were in a state of shock and completely traumatised by the whole thing. They had already started a collection for him at work but mum didn't want anything. On the way out, people, your colleagues were stopping me saying how sorry they were about what had happened. They were so genuine and deeply upset. We went round to collect Dad's car and I saw my 2 girls car seats in the back and just broke down. He would never get to take them anywhere again. No longer will he have that hour a day to spend with them and spoil them rotten. Thankfully, Mark drove it home.

The next 2 weeks went by in a whirr. Phone calls, letters, more phone calls, more letters. My head in organisation mode full time. Only letting up to go home and look after the girls. When did I get the chance to think about my dad?

2 days before the funeral, me and mum went to see dad in the chapel of rest and I must say that he looked so much better than he had in the mortuary. Mum broke down, but somehow, I found the strength to keep it together and be strong for her.

The funeral happened. A spriritualist service as that is what mum and dad believed in. We had 'unchained melody' played on entering and leaving the service. The church was absolutely packed and it was extremely touching to see all of dad's friends gathered at the church to pay their last respects. There was standing room only. Friends who we hadn't seen for years were there. About 20 of dad's work collegues had travelled the 30 minute journey to offer their support. Most of whom were crying at the realisation that he had gone. We had the cremation service at Carmountside, all of his work mates made the journey there too. As the body was been committed, we played 'The wonder of you' The words perfectly describing mum and dads relationship of some 40 years.

When no one else can understand me
When every thing I do is wrong
You give me hope and understanding
You give me strength to carry on

You're always there
To lend a hand
In everything I do
Thats the wonder, the wonder of you

We are now back at work and trying to sort out our lives without dad in it. We have planted a lovely tree next to bench in our garden so that we can be at peace and sit and think of all of the wonderful times we have had with you. The memories are still quite upsetting at the moment. I don't feel I have much to smile about. I'm sure in time my memories will be good ones but I still ache for one last cuddle, one last conversation, one last I love you.

Dad, had everything to live for. He was 59, approaching retirement. He and mum had purchased a new touring caravan so that in 2008 they could retire and go touring around Scotland. They were each others lives and very definitely sole mates. They did everything together and were as strong together on the day he died as they were the day they got married in July 1969. We are just so sorry that we never had the chance to say goodbye. He was adored by everyone who knew him. Although it is only since he passed that these feelings have been broadcast. He was the best dad in the whole wide world. He was caring, thoughtful and would do anything for anybody and expect nothing in return. I can't even begin to imagine what life will be like without him. I thought we had years to share yet. Never did I expect that he would be taken at such a young age and in such a sudden way. His 3 grand children doted on him. And he, them. He was their world. Every day he would drive the 30 minute drive from his work to pick my eldest daughter Elise up from school and then to pick Ilana up from her nan's and spend an hour with them at our house until their dad got in from work. He never complained once. He enjoyed spending the time with them and I am so glad that we made the decision to do this as he got to spend quality time with them for the last 6 months of his short life. I'm sure we have a lot of mountains to climb over the next 12 months but we are a strong family and we will get through it. I just wish he was still here with us to watch the children grow up. I have told both of my girls that their granddad is now a star shining brightly in the sky and every night when I put them to bed we have to sing Twinkle Twinkle little star and they each have a star cushion next to their pillows so that they can snuggle up to granddad each night. I don't know what else to say. He was truly one of the best and I pray to God every night that I will wake up and it will all have been some awful nightmare. I think about him everyday. Some days I don't think of anything else. I was a real daddies girl and I only had to hint at something and he would come running. He was there when my first daughter was born and came to visit my second daughter in hospital even though he was in hospital himself. I'm starting to fill up now as I write these words as I still cannot believe that he will not be coming back. So,here I will end. RIP dear Dad you are forever in my thoughts. Night night sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite. Love now and forever. xxxxxxxxxx


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